wishy-washy

What is the ultimate motivation to change? Thought it was the monetary factor. But can't be, since I'd be taking an immediate pay-cut. Then, why still want to change? Do I really want to change? What do I want? But then again, does it matter what I want?

The mind is at the logic versus feelings kind of crossroads. Even the logics, reasons and rhymes seem to be cancelling out each other.

Already taken the necessary steps, so the move is almost sure, pending fulfilment of certain criterias. Ethically, there shouldn't be any backing out now.

What am I giving up?
1. Freedom (ultimate kind)
2. A few hundreds of dollars a month
3. Good relationship (or maybe the relationship was existent only in my perception?)
4. The niche factor
5. Work related travel opportunities (byebye Beijing, byebye Philippines...)


What am I hoping to gain?
1. Acquisition of new skills
2. Better career prospects in the longer run
3. Change of scenary


Not quite convincing ya. Only three versus five. 
 
But all those were just bullshit. Ultimately, the change was propelled by the fear of being unable to step out of comfort zone. The longer I am here, the harder it will be to get out. But why do I want to get out? Things weren't bad. It was just a tad unhealthy but otherwise, still beneficial.

Precisely because there were still benefits to be reaped that's making me wishy-washy. It's like there's a paved way but I'm now choosing to dig the ground again to lay the stones, seriously the hard way? Sounds really stupid, right?

If it's so difficult, then just stay. As long as you're happy. I know of at least one person who'd say this to me.

Of course, decisions have never been easy for me. But I'd like to stick with it, once decided.